On Pain, Women and Burger King

Since I have once again arrived at those days of the month where I have to be on pills to step out the front door, spend the day curled up on the couch and creep through the house like a 100-year-old, groaning and cussing out everything that’s in my way (actually this is way TMI, but I needed an introduction), I thought I would go complain publicly. About periods and women and society. Guys, you may exit now. No wait, stay and listen to this.

1. Why

Why the hell do us women have to do all the hard work? Not only are we cursed with endless extremely painful period cramps every month, we’re also supposed to take care of the birthing. Because there aren’t enough people on this planet yet. The answer is actually pretty simple: Men would never be able to take such pain. They would die miserably. Croak. Just like that, on the first day. So actually we should be proud of being tough enough to stand the kind of pain the “stronger sex” can’t even imagine. BUT: Why do I have to go through all this if I don’t even want to have kids?

2. Oh my God, you don’t want kids?!

Nope. I have absolutely no interest in sperm floating around inside of me until it pairs up with an egg and turns me into a pickle-eating, vomiting elephant for the next nine months. I also don’t care for doctors (which are in my bad books anyway) rummaging around between my legs or contractions that after hours of pain make a slimy, screaming lizard crawl out of me. And that’s only where the fun begins. So sorry (actually no, I’m not sorry), but the already unhealthy number of world population will have to be increased without the help of my uterus. I just don’t like kids. And they don’t really like me either, which is actually a win/win situation. “Oh, you’re still so young, just wait until you meet the right man…” I’m dying of laughter. Out of multiple reasons.

3. Women and Children and Careers 

After a few thousand years of human existence we are finally allowed to work and even vote without permission from some man. Does this mean our life is paradise? Far from it. It doesn’t matter what we do with our lives, society doesn’t like it. Married stay-at-home mom? Oh my God, where were you during emancipation? Mom with a career? Oh my God, the poor children! Married, without kids? Oh my God, did she know he was impotent before the wedding? Gay? Oh my God, why are you doing this, you’re so pretty! Surely it has something to do with your relationship with your mother!! Unmarried with a career? Single mom? Gay and married (surely not in Germany)? Gay with children? Doesn’t matter, there’s always somebody displeased with it. Why don’t men have such a hard time? A stay-at-home dad is very cool, dad with a career not a problem (since the wife’s at home), unmarried, well, he wants his freedom. Why the hell is this still so imbalanced – in the damn 21st century?! I’m not even going to get started on wage differences.

4. Women and Clothing

The same thing is going on with how we dress, too. No matter what it is we wear, we’re either sluts or oppressed nuns. Buttoned up blouse? Girl, show some more skin! Where’s the feminine side of you? Wearing hot pants and a bikini top in public? God, go cover yourself! You’re basically inviting men to rape you! (By the way: F*** Rape Culture! I’m only censoring this for my parents and minors that might be reading this. Although the latter blow the F-bomb all the time anyway.) Apart from being told what we’re supposed to wear, we’re also constantly reduced to our outer appearance. Most recent example: The Oscars. “So, whom are you wearing tonight?”

5. Burger King

Despite all campaigns, appeals, public statements etc. etc. women are still sexualized in public way to often. Take this Burger King advertisement for example:


The woman looks like a mesmerized fish, and we all know what they mean by “Seven Incher” and “blow your mind”. Seriously? Of course the meat-eating male population is highly amused and apparently BK is also rich enough to address only brainless patriarchs with their ads. In this western world you can have a really hard time, unless of course you’re a man and white and straight. Why? Aren’t those actually the minority?

So I started off with period pains and ended up at Burger King. Yep, this post is not very academically written (but I didn’t really intend for that either), a little conglomerate and I don’t know what my actual statement is, BUT I know that everything mentioned above evidently really pisses me off and I wanted to give that a vent. Sadly I haven’t come up with the ultimate solution to the problems of this screwed up society, but maybe if a few more people express their anger about this, one day something will change. That said, I’ll be in the bathroom looking for more pain killers.


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