Why You Possibly Have The Wrong Passport

Have you ever had the feeling that you’re living in the wrong country? Say your passport or another identification document claims you’re – for example – German, but all your life you’ve really felt like you were mixed up at birth and are actually a rightful citizen of the United States of America? Or, different scenario, you’re actually a half-blood American and yet you’re still bound to live in a different country right now because you can’t afford higher education in the U.S.? Maybe you’re not sure yet which your true nationality is, so here are some signs that may indicate you’re located at the wrong side of The Pond.

1. Other people dig their German flags out of the garage or cellar for international soccer tournaments. You have an American flag hanging over your bed.

2. You wonder why globalization has been able to transfer jobs to China, but not double-stuffed Oreos to Germany.

3. You do somersaults when you finally discover Root Beer at your local grocery store and then roll your eyes when you see they labeled it “Kräuterlimonade”.

4. You do more somersaults when you notice Dr. Pepper at the grocery store.

5. You know that lemonade does not look like Sprite.

6. You celebrate every American national holiday but have a hard time remembering the date of the Day of German Unity.

7. Your day is made whenever you hear an American accent on the street.

8. If you have the choice between a beach vacation on a beautiful island and a trip to the U.S., you always choose the latter.

9. You incorporate words like “awesome”, “dunno”, “like” and “Heeeey!” into your everyday language a lot.

10. The first thing you’ll do when you graduate from college is buy a one-way ticket to the land of the free.

11. You prefer American pizza over Italian pizza.

12. You know what real Mexican food tastes like.

13. Your Spotify App is never on the Deutsch-Rap playlist, but always on U.S. Charts.

14. You can almost sing the American national anthem.

15. You prefer touchdowns over soccer goals.

16. You know that GAP printed on a hoodie does not stand for Garmisch-Partenkirchen.

17. The language on your computer, phone and social media accounts is set to English (USA).

18. You are tired of staying up all night to watch the Oscars and the Superbowl.

19. You’re tired of having to rely on Youtube and various apps to watch Ellen. Or basically any other American TV show. Because German TV just sucks.

20. Living in meat-eating Bavaria, you dream of Los Angeles, where it’s so easy to eat vegan. Even if you’re only vegetarian.

21. You’re starting to catch on to the American political system and are still in the dark about the German one.

22. You like the two-party system because it only requires you to keep up with two organizations of insane people instead of over 20.

23. You know the difference between donkey and elephant.

24. You like your drinks iced.

25. When in Germany, you miss greeting everybody on the street.

26. You can’t get over that starting a German conversation with “Excuse me…” doesn’t work.

27. To you, road trips always involve picnics.

28. A six-hour road trip doesn’t bother you at all, especially since you can actually see some country instead of concrete noise-insulating walls on the way.

29. You know that lbs doesn’t necessarily stand for Landesbausparkasse.

30. You own a full set of cups, tablespoons and teaspoons and prefer American recipes because they’re so easy!

31. You know what fl oz means.

32. You can’t live without a microwave.

33. You refuse to watch American movies in anything other than the original language because the German synchronization is always terrible.

34. You can’t believe IHOP has not made it to Germany.

35. You put ketchup on eggs and occasionally on spaghetti.

36. You type “why Germany sucks” into your trusty google search engine for research purposes and after reading through some of the results you are now physically hurting. And you could write a long article about narrow-minded stereotype-fulfilling uneducated Americans that have no clue about Germany!

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2 thoughts on “Why You Possibly Have The Wrong Passport

  1. Absolutely great! Thanks a lot for listing Root Beer and Dr. Pepper!
    I would like to add one more thing: Your dream car is a 1965 Ford Mustang Convertible and not a Porsche 911.

    Liked by 1 person

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