Being back in Germany sucks.

And I mean big time. Finally got off the plane this afternoon and wish that I had followed through with my escape plan, which involved building a new life in the Land of the Free, no matter what it takes. Damn you, America, for not having affordable college education!! I’m trying not to flip right now, so I’ll just write. About why being back in Germany sucks.

1. I went through three flights, two of them delayed and therefore making me run through two airports like a crazy woman, huffing and puffing up and down escalator stairs, silently cussing out people in my way that don’t know the fear of missing a flight, sweating like.. well, a pig really, getting mad at chilled passport security people for taking all the time in the world to compare my mug shot like passport photo to my currently red-hot stressed-out face and making my way through slow-motion-crowds yelling “Excusez-moi” and “Pardon” and “Sorry” the same way flight attendants go through the aisles going “Coffee, tea, water, coffee, tea, water, ma’am, any coffee, tea, water, sir, coffee, tea, water?” – I went through all that for THIS.

2. Everything seems gray. I just came from Sedona, Arizona. If you’re not familiar with that place (and if you’re not, don’t go there! We have enough tourists!! I could kill those TV people for constantly promoting this amazing town and making the entire Valley show up on holidays!), it has red rocks all around. And now in spring there are yellow poppies, green cactus (saguaros on the way to Phoenix, anybody?), green leaves on the trees, pink and purple blossoms, I can’t even properly describe all the color everywhere! Whoever says the desert is not colorful clearly has never been to the desert. Everything was greening up, so now I come over here and this part of the world is still stuck in winter. The trees are bare, the Autobahn is still as grey as always, from above the fields looked gray, not to mention the clouds hanging around as low as the ground. I haven’t seen a grey cloud in weeks! How depressed can you get by your environment?!

3. Everything is different. In a stupid sort of way. The country seems flat as a pancake (and we’re talking Bavaria here, people) compared to the rocks and hills of Arizona, the traffic signs are blue instead of green, the license plates are white instead of colorful and unique from state to state, the mountains are blue instead of red, I actually have to speak German, I can’t pass cars on the right anymore, mph was switched back to kmh, lbs to kg and gallons to litres, the gas prices suck and the sockets are weird! I just tried to plug my American adapter into one of those German ones. I feel like somebody screwed up my entire world right now!

4. German timezone sucks. The day is already almost over here when it’s just starting in Arizona (and they also don’t have this stupid daylight saving thing by the way…), which is absolutely depressing! They’re having all the fun over there while I’m here sleeping! Strangely enough I don’t feel that way about the German day starting when I’m going to sleep in Arizona… Not to mention that in Arizona the sun actually comes up in the morning. Cold and long winters just mess with my psyche too much, even though I was able to escape it for two months.

5. Ter-min-e. I hate that word. Translates to a-ppoint-ments by the way. Over here I have too many people waving too many appointments in my face. Germans in general seem to be waving Ter-min-e in each others faces all the time! With a dentist, a blood-test-vampire-sucker and various other people I don’t like waiting, who would want to come back here? Of course some a-ppoint-ments would catch up with me eventually in America, too, but I’m sure that the American blood-suckers and dentists are waaay more awesome. Sorry, Germany.

6. Lastly, the radio stations are all wrong. What happened to Country on 105.7 and the charts on hot 97.5 or 102.9 every morning while driving to the shelter? Over here they don’t even know what Country is! Face it, Germany, the US just has way better taste in music.

I solemnly swear to move over there as soon as possible. For good. So that I don’t harass any more people with my state of mind and major culture shock after returning from paradise to gray, boring hell. Maybe it’s just jet lag and I can sleep it off. But it could also be my home telling me to FINALLY QUIT LEAVING IT ALL THE TIME!

End rant, thank you. Curtain close.



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